Pay it Forward
My hospital bill just came in. It gave me a heart attack. My face is still kind of swollen and it still kind of hurt. Its been a bad year. Now I have to find a way to come up with the money. My friend invited me to his wedding in july, but Idont really feel like going. I didnt go to his bachelor party. I’ve secluding myself from alot of people. I dont really talk to most the people around me anymore. It makes me sad seeing happy people. If I could, I’d take Cassie to the wedding as my date. I stopped hearing from her. I wish she’d talk to me again but I think the shipped has sailed. Maybe just once more so that’d I know shes doing well and to say sorry if I’ve upsetted her or made her feel ugly, but Im sure shes probably happier now. Good for her. I need to stop thinking about her. I miss you.
Im going to take some time off work after I get off tonight. I want to take a road trip and see more of Northern california and maybe even Oregon and smell the clean air. Learn to appreciate whats out there and learn to love myself so I can learn to love the people and the environment around me again. Maybe clear my mind and find peace. Reminds me of that movie Into the Wild.
Maybe once I get back Ill try joining the army again. And fail the health test again. I hadnt fixed my knee problems yet but it doesnt bother me as much anymore. Hopefully I wont get shot and killed. If I do at least I wont feel guilty. Im not going to get in anyways.
I think we all need to help someone more unfortunate than us. There are plenty out there who needs our help. We need to pay it forward and make the world a better place, not for everyone, but for the people whos lives we’ve touched. If we can all do this…..