Pay it Forward

My hospital bill just came in.   It gave me a heart attack.  My face is still kind of swollen and it still kind of hurt.  Its been a bad year. Now I have to find a way to come up with the money.  My friend invited me to his wedding in july, but Idont really feel like going.  I didnt go to his bachelor party. I’ve secluding myself from alot of people.  I dont really talk to most the people around me anymore.  It makes  me sad seeing happy people.   If I could, I’d take Cassie to the wedding as my date.  I stopped hearing from her.  I wish she’d talk to me again but I think the shipped has sailed. Maybe just once more so that’d I know shes doing well and to say sorry if I’ve upsetted her or made her feel ugly, but Im sure shes probably happier now. Good for her.  I need to stop thinking about her. I miss you.

Im going to take some time off work after I get off tonight.  I want to take a road trip and see more of Northern california and maybe even Oregon and smell the clean air.  Learn to appreciate whats out there and learn to love myself so I can learn to love the people and the environment around me again.  Maybe clear my mind and find peace.  Reminds me of that movie Into the Wild.

Maybe once I get back Ill try joining the army again. And fail the health test again. I hadnt fixed my knee problems yet but it doesnt bother me as much anymore.  Hopefully I wont get shot and killed.  If I do at least I wont feel guilty.  Im not going to get in anyways.

I think we all need to help someone more unfortunate than us.  There are plenty out there who needs our help. We need to pay it forward and make the world a better place, not for everyone, but for the people whos lives we’ve touched.  If we can all do this…..

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