Feeling kind of sleepy and needing to finish work for my client. The deadline is near so it’s a sprint to the finish. I heated up a glass of coffee. A double shot. It’s cold today. I made sure it was really hot. As I was pouring it down my throat, I flipped on some music The first title that caught my attention was The Transiberian Orchestra’s reinvention of Pachael’s Canon, Christmas Canon was there. It’s a soothing music, but it makes me remember why sometimes I hate Christmas.
Some of the worst things have happened to me during Christmas time. The worst of all was when my best bud, his gf, and Sharon, my gf whom I was about to marry drove down to visit me for Christmas. They drove down to visit me and died in a car accident. Hit by a big freight truck that last control. I can never this image out of my head. It took a major toll on my mind and body. This event has changed me forever and to this day I still have a hard time recovering from it. Then there was her mom who said everything is ok, but by Christmas the following year she wrote me a letter and put everything on me. And then she commited suicide. I still feel guilty. I think about it all the time and Jayme always tells me its not my fault, but I always doubt her. I love Jayme. She’s amazing, but circumstances like these make things complicating. She was one of Sharon’s friend so being around her always make me feel really miserable. Then there was also a few years ago on Christmas Eve. I got really embarrassed. She knows I did this for her, but of course that made no difference. I’ve moved on since then, but I still think about that christmas day also. That was my Alaskan Christmas. I spent a lot of time studying Alaska that time. It was pretty funny when I think about it. She would have loved it.