Archive | January 2006

Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick
related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.


Going Brainless


I was looking through myspace of friends and old classmates.  It made me depressed.  Everyone has accomplished something.  They’re all done with school, found something cool beyond it.  Me, I’m sitting here wondering, “What have I accomplished?”  Not being able to conjur up anything right now, I’ve come to realize that nothing has been done.  On top of that, I think I’m getting even dumber by the day.  I feel like I have brain cancer, I can’t think right anymore.  I have a hard time finishing a sentence now also.  What’s going on here?  Envy will be the end of me one day.  Looking through Huy’s myspace, it appears to me that the guy is still doing what I’ve always loved.  He goes hiking, he’s dirt bike and best of all, the guy still kick box.  Man, I’m becoming brainless.  When I’m done with college, I better get a job!