I just noticed that my xanga has been turning into more of a journal than a self escape. Oh well. Today Richard told me during the week there was an attempted hijack on one of the plane here at the airport. The guy had an uzzi in his bag along with pounds of cocaine. He got caught of course….now wasn’t that stupid? He musta snuffed some up his nose before he came.
On Friday I found out Jayme has been in blah blah…you know.. with me for the longest time. I kind of figured that already for years now actually, just didn’t want to admit it really. There’s this river in Africa called the Nile. DeeeNile… Victor read her blog on www.myspace.com and told me to check it out which I did. When I read it, my heart protracted throbbing beats. Her confessions were all there. Shocking? Naw…not really. It’s something I’ve expected for years. All the years I’ve known her, do you really think that I’m so clueless and wouldn’t know? Come on, I’m not stupid. It did make me really happy after reading that. After all this time, she still thinks of me, and on her date at that. That girl is friggin sweet. She’s been wanting me to call her, but I lost her number for awhile now. Hopefully she’ll call back and I pick up this time without my mom thinking she’s a telemarketer.
I don’t miss her right now. When she left, I was really bummed out, but not so much anymore. It’s been a breath of fresh air the past few months to be honest. Eventhough I’ve gone through a lot of bad luck, I still think the air is fresher now than when she took off. If she was here now, I’d pick roses for her every morning and watch her wake up in her bed stretching her arms gracefully like a cherub under flushed white rays, an emanent of Apollo. Of course she’s not here anymore, so I don’t want to think about it. I was already planning to come visit her this summer like she told me to a couple months ago, but Victor wants me to go see her this Monday, but you know what? I really don’t want to. It’s not that I’m lazy to travel that far, but because I don’t want to go down there, see her and then have to leave her again. That happened a few times already and it depressed me. I’m good at hiding my feelings, so no one sees how I feel about this. When I’m upset, my passion for things leave me. Right now I just want to focus on what’s needed to be done and define passion in my life and going down there to see her and then come home crying because I have to leave isn’t my passion. I rather leave that for the more unfortunate than myself. It sounds like we’ll be talking to eachother again soon. I was planning to move to SoCal after I finished school anyway, so if she wants to wait for me, then cool, if not then I’m not going to bitch about it. We’re still going to be good buddies and she can hook me up with her hot friends. lol Joking.
She added new pics and man, she still looks so beautiful.:)
Anyhow…passion. Today at work I had the perfect view of a full moon. Bright, white, and round. Faint rain clouds swaying in unarranged laze. The black below the open sky graduated to a lit subtle blue. A white dot on open black and blue. The night was steadily quiet and slight breezes were present. Leaning against the walls of the boothe, I gaze up at the moon and felt free. One giant ball in the sky and an infinite space to go anywhere. Tonite it lays free on it’s black and blue bed, tomorrow it is gone and free, but it always comes back. Each time the moon comes, it goes, and each time it goes, it comes back. Like the moon, we each get another chance to come back another nite, we each get another chance in life, we each get another day to continue on our dreams. When I looked up, I felt content and a new day for me is abound. Tonite, the full moon is my hope, tomorrow the sun will bestow it’s rays as my legs and I will follow my passion at my own pace.
“Lay this Warrior down to rest
Honor him this last request
Over his heart place his crest
Cross his swords upon his chest
See this Warrior is battle dressed
Ask his Lord he be blessed
Remember his deeds and attest
That this Warrior did his best”