Stumped in the Wrong Direction

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking all day.  I feel like where I’m headed right now seems like the wrong way for me.  It makes me wonder about the road not taken and the career opportunities I could have ventured into.   Hell, I love my profession, but it won’t give me the life I want.  I’ll be living pay check to pay check working 24 hours w/out any overtime pay.  What’s working when you can’t even enjoy your money.  I don’t want to fucking work my whole life for some white collared bussiness fuck and lose site of living for myself.  I had this plan where I would work in the industry for a few years and start my own business, but right now I don’t know shit about it and to top that….what business am I going to run?    For the past few years I’ve been trying to think of what type of business would be good, but nothing came up.  My friend and I came up with a few ideas, but then it was tossed aside.  We conjured many ideas but they were all backroomed.   The past months I came up with this idea in marketing with ebay.  I did some reading on it and wondered about what I would sell that people want and that others arent selling, but I’ve put it aside a lot since I don’t really know much about the whole system.  All this finally leads to this precise moment.  For a few hours now I been contemplating about taking some business class and getting certified for a liscense.   I thought about going to college for this, but I’d have to retake all my GED classes which would really suck.  I can’t transfer out from the Academy so these are big time losses.  It’s stressful thinking about this really but I think I’ll do it next semester.  I’ll apply for classes and work my way up there one day.  I’ll finish my current BFA and at the same time work on getting a degree in business also.   So many wasted years, but it’s better to start now then to never start right?   It would be ever so shitty to strike age 30 and be the same guy I’m now.   I’m not going to let that happen to me, I’m gonna become successful and people are going to respect me.   One day I want to be able to shut the mouth of all who doubted me and show up all that looked down on me and take care of my awesome parents. Hopefully I’ll let them finally retire and live a happy prosperous life w/out any worrying about any financial shit.

The thing that bothers me most about all this is, is that many people I know have already accomplished what they’ve set out to do and I’m still sitting here, just the same oh Andy still getting educated and waiting many more years before I even come remotely close to doing anything great.  And STEVE!!! he has no faith in me.  He rubs his success on me, and puts me down a lot.  Even if he doesnt mean any harm, it bothers, oh does it ever bother.  And my dad, he has so much faith in me, so I definately do not want to let him down.  He’s always had faith in me my whole life, the only one who believes in me and it puts big time pressure.  Ah….the pressure…  Well I can’t guarantee success, but I’ll die trying with some happiness on the side going through the process. 🙂

“hey, i fuking dont like you asshole, quit your job at once and go live in the streets, be a pauper, you can beg for bagels on your hands and knees and use newspapers as an umbrella in your cardboard box, take to the streets god damnit, die poor and broken, a lonely and homeless smelly old man, it is the way !!”

“You havent lived until you’ve shit your pants in a cardboard box hunched up in an alley with a bottle of Wild Turkey and a whole lot of regret, next up, singing blues songs on a broken acoustic guitar with only two strings around a trash barrel fire to warm thy hands, cheap wine is required.”


haha hilarious guy.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: