Fucked, Pregnant, Responsibilities and a Dream

I woke up pretty scared today in my bed with the sun sitting it’s warm rays over my skin.   Before my eyes were open, a dream took a disturbing presence in my conscience.   Remember the movie Junior, starring Arnold Schwartzenneggar and Danny Devito, where Arnold impregnanted himself through scientific experimentation? Well what happened in that movie is what I just pretty much told you.  In the dream I guess I was experimented on too?  I was also pregnant and man it was wierd.  My stomache was all big for a short time until I had the baby.  I don’t even know how I had the baby really, it just appeared in my hand all dried and clean as I was looking down at him sitting from my bed.  His eyebrows fuzzy black nearly onebrowed with shiny spike black hair thats rough unlike the softness of a newborn.  He was quiet.  My parents came over and played with him admiring his cute complexion.  They tickled and talked to him like how the average person would react when they hold a baby in their hand.  Skip Skip Skip……all the way to college..or to prison camp?  What is this? It looks more like a colorful prison camp than a college dormatory.  The buildings were cubicle sized alligning in rows and collumns that stairs it’s way up hill.  The first two row of this campus were  colored and rusted, covered in dirt and as inanimate as a run down shack.  Colors consisting of red, blue, green and  yellow couldn’t fix the dead scenario.  Behind these shack like dorms were pale white dormatories connecting to eachother with rooms even smaller in size than the shacks themself which are higher in class than the back rows.  The buildings were separated at least into two groups, one to the left and one to the right.  That’s what i saw at least.  In between these buildings were old cement steps with green weed and grass sticking out it’s grooves leading up to the rest of the dorms.]

A group of students stood infront of the dorms including myself as if we’re getting ready to be sent to prison camp.  We eyed the front rows claiming it as our territory until we were sent out like hounds to choose our room.  People stempeded and in matter of seconds, the buildings were occupied.  Lost in the crowd, myself and another guy walked together and coupled ourselves to one of the room right behind the colored shacks that are now occuppied.  It felt like a dirty party school because all we did was party and there were no classes anywhere that I know of.  We’re always talking about going out and partying and all that crap.  I couldn’t really do any of that really, because I have a baby now.  I had to come home every friday to my parent’s to take care of the baby and it took up all my time.   I don’t think there were much left to this portion of the dream, but the fact that I had a baby and that I bore it really made it freaky deaky. haha

The second part of my dream, I went online and did some searching.  I came up with this site that had Oui’s name on it so I took a look.  The site was a complete home video of her trip to wherever the hell it was.  It felt like Vietnam, Africa, Taiwan and all that east area integrated into one. Trees and cracked cement grounds  took form of an Indiana Jones jungle. These videos were adventurous and almost movie like.  They caught videos of tigers getting whipped by poachers from a helicopter view.  The angles were superb, far better than what you would see on animal planet.  Like I said, it replicates the camera works of hollywood.  I was wow’ed by such a great video, I messaged her on AIM.

She replied and appeared to be confused about it for a minute until she remembered….  I watched it for awhile and my dad came into join me and left.  Oui said she was coming over to see it.  Didn’t take long at all until she arrived.  She started watching it also and started bragging about how good she was at filming all that stuff.  I was jealous, but admitted it and looked at her kind of irritated.  She sat on the sofa I set on the side of my room near the window aside from the TV.  When she stood up to stretch, I saw her belly.  It was huge….I didn’t notice that when she came.  I said to her, “Looks like you let yourself go there fatass.”  She responded casually, “It’s not fat, I’m pregnant dork.”  My face looked straight and calm, but inside I was shocked.  I pretended it wasn’t really anything special, but I asked her anyway, “When the hell did YOU get pregnant?”  I don’t remember her response, but not long after her stomach started hurting which was the reason why she stood up in the first place to rub her tummy.  I asked her if she was alright and she kind of groaned in pain so I help her to my bed and laid her there while I grab some ice.  When she calmed down I started questioning her about her pregnancy.  How long she had it, who she was with and all that stuff.  Only thing I remembered was 8 months.  She was pregnant for 8 months and I never even knew about it.  I got kind of annoyed that I didn’t even know about this and asked her if she’s still with the guy.  She didn’t respond and laid there quiet.  Her forehead was drooling bullets of sweats.  I  came over and put a wet towel on her head and stopped talking for awhile and let her rest.  I got worried and called Nancy and asked her to come over.  When she came over we were talking about what happened with Oui. 

“I don’t know, I think she sleeps around with a ton of guys I’m gonna tell her mom about this.  I’ve seen her with a few different guys.” 

“What?”  Was my reaction to what Nancy told me.  I was kind of appalled, yet somewhat jealous and thought to myself, “what a hoe…”  Oui heard Nancy and I conversing so she cried because we were talking about her.  I looked at her quietly and came over to look at her condition.  I don’t think I ever finished the dream, everything is kind of a blurr as per usual, but when I woke up, I felt kinda scared and sad.  I, in  a way kind of experienced a portion of what it’s like having a baby for myself and how scary it fucking is when you don’t want one yet.  Maybe I’m getting warned of something and I feel like I do understand it.   It would be at least nice to know the ending to all this…..whatever you call it.   Your mind wanders and liquors when you try too hard to find an answer, so I should probably drop the pondering and let the ride park.



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