Archive | September 2004

John and my left

John and my Left


Welp, I hadn’t boxed in a long time because I kept getting injuries.  Starting with a few months ago when I boxed Ciro.  He busted my chest and I couldn’t breathe right for awhile.  Pff lucky shot, I accidently ran into it. B-) Thennnnnnn I got sick.  I caught a stomache flew which made me puke everything for like a week, I lost an astonishing 20 lbs in njust a week.  Pretty crazy.. So it took awhile to get my weight back and into better health.  After that playing basketball, I suffered my worst ankle injury in my whole entire life.  Even after months and months it still haven’t completely healed yet.  The pain returns once in awhile.  Anyhow, it was horrible swollen and purple and god it looked nasty.  I literally couldn’t walk even when I tried.  It was as if I broke it!  My doctor wouldln’t let me get an xray and I’m kinda pissed.  He let this chic with just a pinky sprain get one and me I got a swollen fucking ankle thats twice the normal size and he wouldn’t let me get a fucking XRAY.  O well… Anyhow, I now suffer a sprained wrist which is healing slowly but surely while my ankle seem to have ceased healing.  I’ve been feeling this same pain everyday and let me tell you, its not going away at all anymore.    Today my brother and his friends came over to box.  At first it was only suppose to be me and John with me using only my left arm.  I some how injured my right wrist.  Woke up one morning and I couldnt twist it, when I did it hurt a lot.  But anyhow, I did box John today and with only my left arm I took care of business.  I knocked the air out of him.  I definately need to teach him how to fight because his punches really tickle me more than it does hurt me. 🙂  I even walked up to him and let him punch me all he wanted but to no avail did he even remotely hurt me.  I felt like a god. haha    Anyhow I wasted him pretty much with one hit to the chest.  He could barely breathe right there but I gave him one more and he couldnt even fight me anymore.  Fought Bang next, took him out also.   I sent him flying through the bushes. BWAHAHA.  Fought my little brother, I got over confident and he landed one good shot on me.  It didn’t hurt much really but it got me gasp for a second of air then I retaliated.  Didn’t wanna hurt him since he was my bro so I took a shot to his chest once and it was pretty much over, he went running away from me the whole fight. 🙂        


As for Kenny, I wanted to box him but I don’t thikn I would be able to fight him with just my left arm so I decided not to fight him today.  He is twice my size after all…I would need my good arm to fight him which I was really anxious to do. heh    Edison and this other dude I don’t know flaked, they didn’t even wanna fight anymore.  They came here to fight me but they just flaked….  Anyhow Kenny and Khoman fought.  It was a really wierd fight, more of a wrestling match then a boxing match.  Khoman went all crazy and grabbed kenny’s arm. haha if everything they did were legal, then Khoman won that fight.  It was  hilarouis, kenny got pushed all over the place and couldn’t hit khoman.  Khoman was just crazy….  But after seeing that fight, I’m confident I can take on Kenny now.  He doesn’t really know how to use his size and he didn’t know how to box.  And Khoman was almost an even match for him……..But anyhow, in conclusion, I took out 3 guys with just my left arm. 🙂  

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Email from Jayme


Wow, this was out of the blues.  Jayme emailed me!  I hadn’t seen her in what? Months? a whole year?  I don’t know its been awhile.  Anyhow, it was freaking long…. didn’t know she had all this storm up in her noggin.haha  


Well……anyhow I won’t say everything but she explained to me why she didn’t want to go on vacation with Victor and I   and all that blah blah stuff.  Found out she was mad at me!  No wonder she sounded so cold when I asked her to come.  She told me she had a bf already when I asked her to come, but she was only saying that to piss me off because I upsetted her by not talking to her for so long and acted like an ass hole to her when im with other people.  Well she said everytime she saw me at school I never said hi to her.  But man I never saw her.  Well I did, but when I saw her she looked kinda snobby so I didn’t say anything to her and she saw me too.  She should have said something since she was around her friends so I didn’t wanna jump in.  So I think it was her fault.  She did all this to herself really….dumb girl.


Well anyhow shes graduating end of this semester and asked me to come to her grad so of course I’ll come.  I really miss that dumb blonde.  She found a job in Los Angeles and will be moving there soon after.  So I have now until then to hang out with her til she moves. 🙂  She said she’ll come back to San Jose as soon as she find a job down here, but hell I’m gonna move down there one day hopefully so she should stay there.  But yeah….I’ll come visit her once in awhile.  I’ll visit Ray also when I’m down there so its not too bad.  Anyhow….I wish I took classes in Frisco this semester.   All my friends graduated and it kinda sucks trying to make new friends down there, so I didn’t wanna go there anymore.  But yeah..I hadn’t replied to her yet.  Not sure if I should call her or not.  Maybe I’ll reply tomorrow.  Hopefully she’s forgiven me so we can do things together again before she leaves.  Man its been so long since I’ve actually talked to her.  That email made my day, but it still kinda sucks.  Everyone I know moves away and they leave with such short notice.  It’s like the world don’t want me to be happy or something. 


Speaking of happy, although I don’t think im religious, I pray to god every nite basically for a happy life doing whatever I’m doing later on and to be happier at the present.  Not sure if that’s too much to ask really, but I spend about 10 minutes before I sleep just hoping to god that thing goes right for me and my family.  As long as I try to believe in god to watch over me, I’ll have some faith.  Although religion don’t strike me right, I still have faith in it one way or another.  We’ll see though, we’ll see what happens.

Hyperhydrosis


I’ve always been known for excessive sweating.  I sweat even when doing nothing at all.  People assume that I’m tired and completely out of shape, but I’m not.  There are fat people who sweat way less than me.  I can’t be  unhealthier than them.  I sweat on cold days just watching TV, or thinking not even moderately.  Well guess what?  I’ve done some research on the internet and am pretty sure I have hyperhidrosis.  Hyperhidrosis which is excessive sweating is a common disorder affecting many people.  Palmar hyperhydrosis or sweaty palms is the most common form of this disorder, causing excessive sweating in the hands(sometimes blushing).  In the lower percentage of people, there are people who sweat all over their body.  I’m that smaller percentage.  Hyperhidrosis can have severe physiological consequences such as cold and clammy hands, dehydration, and skin infections due to softened skin from sweat, secondary to maceration of the skin.  While the condition is not harmful physically, the condition can be socially devastating due to embarrassment in public area.  Most people who suffer hyperhidrosis avoid shaking hands, public speaking, or anything that would draw attention to their condition.   I have all these problems.  So there you have it, I’M NOT UNHEALTHY!


Deodorant doesn’t help, to fix this, its recommended to have surgery or Botulinum toxin injections into your skin to fix the problem.  I’ll have to talk to my doctor about this and maybe he can do something about it.  So again, I’M NOT UNHEALTHY!!  The Hyperhidrosis is just kicking my ass.

Stumped in the Wrong Direction


I’ve been doing a lot of thinking all day.  I feel like where I’m headed right now seems like the wrong way for me.  It makes me wonder about the road not taken and the career opportunities I could have ventured into.   Hell, I love my profession, but it won’t give me the life I want.  I’ll be living pay check to pay check working 24 hours w/out any overtime pay.  What’s working when you can’t even enjoy your money.  I don’t want to fucking work my whole life for some white collared bussiness fuck and lose site of living for myself.  I had this plan where I would work in the industry for a few years and start my own business, but right now I don’t know shit about it and to top that….what business am I going to run?    For the past few years I’ve been trying to think of what type of business would be good, but nothing came up.  My friend and I came up with a few ideas, but then it was tossed aside.  We conjured many ideas but they were all backroomed.   The past months I came up with this idea in marketing with ebay.  I did some reading on it and wondered about what I would sell that people want and that others arent selling, but I’ve put it aside a lot since I don’t really know much about the whole system.  All this finally leads to this precise moment.  For a few hours now I been contemplating about taking some business class and getting certified for a liscense.   I thought about going to college for this, but I’d have to retake all my GED classes which would really suck.  I can’t transfer out from the Academy so these are big time losses.  It’s stressful thinking about this really but I think I’ll do it next semester.  I’ll apply for classes and work my way up there one day.  I’ll finish my current BFA and at the same time work on getting a degree in business also.   So many wasted years, but it’s better to start now then to never start right?   It would be ever so shitty to strike age 30 and be the same guy I’m now.   I’m not going to let that happen to me, I’m gonna become successful and people are going to respect me.   One day I want to be able to shut the mouth of all who doubted me and show up all that looked down on me and take care of my awesome parents. Hopefully I’ll let them finally retire and live a happy prosperous life w/out any worrying about any financial shit.


The thing that bothers me most about all this is, is that many people I know have already accomplished what they’ve set out to do and I’m still sitting here, just the same oh Andy still getting educated and waiting many more years before I even come remotely close to doing anything great.  And STEVE!!! he has no faith in me.  He rubs his success on me, and puts me down a lot.  Even if he doesnt mean any harm, it bothers, oh does it ever bother.  And my dad, he has so much faith in me, so I definately do not want to let him down.  He’s always had faith in me my whole life, the only one who believes in me and it puts big time pressure.  Ah….the pressure…  Well I can’t guarantee success, but I’ll die trying with some happiness on the side going through the process. 🙂



“hey, i fuking dont like you asshole, quit your job at once and go live in the streets, be a pauper, you can beg for bagels on your hands and knees and use newspapers as an umbrella in your cardboard box, take to the streets god damnit, die poor and broken, a lonely and homeless smelly old man, it is the way !!”


“You havent lived until you’ve shit your pants in a cardboard box hunched up in an alley with a bottle of Wild Turkey and a whole lot of regret, next up, singing blues songs on a broken acoustic guitar with only two strings around a trash barrel fire to warm thy hands, cheap wine is required.”


 


haha hilarious guy.


 

I Spy Brown Man


Heading towards work today on Highway 101, I saw a naked guy with brown shiny skin standing on the overpass looking down at the traffic with his arms apart.  He looked like he was going to jump…but I don’t know that because I sped on by.  It definately caught my attention.  Suicide?

Fucked, Pregnant, Responsibilities and a Dream


I woke up pretty scared today in my bed with the sun sitting it’s warm rays over my skin.   Before my eyes were open, a dream took a disturbing presence in my conscience.   Remember the movie Junior, starring Arnold Schwartzenneggar and Danny Devito, where Arnold impregnanted himself through scientific experimentation? Well what happened in that movie is what I just pretty much told you.  In the dream I guess I was experimented on too?  I was also pregnant and man it was wierd.  My stomache was all big for a short time until I had the baby.  I don’t even know how I had the baby really, it just appeared in my hand all dried and clean as I was looking down at him sitting from my bed.  His eyebrows fuzzy black nearly onebrowed with shiny spike black hair thats rough unlike the softness of a newborn.  He was quiet.  My parents came over and played with him admiring his cute complexion.  They tickled and talked to him like how the average person would react when they hold a baby in their hand.  Skip Skip Skip……all the way to college..or to prison camp?  What is this? It looks more like a colorful prison camp than a college dormatory.  The buildings were cubicle sized alligning in rows and collumns that stairs it’s way up hill.  The first two row of this campus were  colored and rusted, covered in dirt and as inanimate as a run down shack.  Colors consisting of red, blue, green and  yellow couldn’t fix the dead scenario.  Behind these shack like dorms were pale white dormatories connecting to eachother with rooms even smaller in size than the shacks themself which are higher in class than the back rows.  The buildings were separated at least into two groups, one to the left and one to the right.  That’s what i saw at least.  In between these buildings were old cement steps with green weed and grass sticking out it’s grooves leading up to the rest of the dorms.]


A group of students stood infront of the dorms including myself as if we’re getting ready to be sent to prison camp.  We eyed the front rows claiming it as our territory until we were sent out like hounds to choose our room.  People stempeded and in matter of seconds, the buildings were occupied.  Lost in the crowd, myself and another guy walked together and coupled ourselves to one of the room right behind the colored shacks that are now occuppied.  It felt like a dirty party school because all we did was party and there were no classes anywhere that I know of.  We’re always talking about going out and partying and all that crap.  I couldn’t really do any of that really, because I have a baby now.  I had to come home every friday to my parent’s to take care of the baby and it took up all my time.   I don’t think there were much left to this portion of the dream, but the fact that I had a baby and that I bore it really made it freaky deaky. haha


The second part of my dream, I went online and did some searching.  I came up with this site that had Oui’s name on it so I took a look.  The site was a complete home video of her trip to wherever the hell it was.  It felt like Vietnam, Africa, Taiwan and all that east area integrated into one. Trees and cracked cement grounds  took form of an Indiana Jones jungle. These videos were adventurous and almost movie like.  They caught videos of tigers getting whipped by poachers from a helicopter view.  The angles were superb, far better than what you would see on animal planet.  Like I said, it replicates the camera works of hollywood.  I was wow’ed by such a great video, I messaged her on AIM.


She replied and appeared to be confused about it for a minute until she remembered….  I watched it for awhile and my dad came into join me and left.  Oui said she was coming over to see it.  Didn’t take long at all until she arrived.  She started watching it also and started bragging about how good she was at filming all that stuff.  I was jealous, but admitted it and looked at her kind of irritated.  She sat on the sofa I set on the side of my room near the window aside from the TV.  When she stood up to stretch, I saw her belly.  It was huge….I didn’t notice that when she came.  I said to her, “Looks like you let yourself go there fatass.”  She responded casually, “It’s not fat, I’m pregnant dork.”  My face looked straight and calm, but inside I was shocked.  I pretended it wasn’t really anything special, but I asked her anyway, “When the hell did YOU get pregnant?”  I don’t remember her response, but not long after her stomach started hurting which was the reason why she stood up in the first place to rub her tummy.  I asked her if she was alright and she kind of groaned in pain so I help her to my bed and laid her there while I grab some ice.  When she calmed down I started questioning her about her pregnancy.  How long she had it, who she was with and all that stuff.  Only thing I remembered was 8 months.  She was pregnant for 8 months and I never even knew about it.  I got kind of annoyed that I didn’t even know about this and asked her if she’s still with the guy.  She didn’t respond and laid there quiet.  Her forehead was drooling bullets of sweats.  I  came over and put a wet towel on her head and stopped talking for awhile and let her rest.  I got worried and called Nancy and asked her to come over.  When she came over we were talking about what happened with Oui. 


“I don’t know, I think she sleeps around with a ton of guys I’m gonna tell her mom about this.  I’ve seen her with a few different guys.” 


“What?”  Was my reaction to what Nancy told me.  I was kind of appalled, yet somewhat jealous and thought to myself, “what a hoe…”  Oui heard Nancy and I conversing so she cried because we were talking about her.  I looked at her quietly and came over to look at her condition.  I don’t think I ever finished the dream, everything is kind of a blurr as per usual, but when I woke up, I felt kinda scared and sad.  I, in  a way kind of experienced a portion of what it’s like having a baby for myself and how scary it fucking is when you don’t want one yet.  Maybe I’m getting warned of something and I feel like I do understand it.   It would be at least nice to know the ending to all this…..whatever you call it.   Your mind wanders and liquors when you try too hard to find an answer, so I should probably drop the pondering and let the ride park.


 

Jipped like a Dumbass


Man, I’m such a fool.  Today I had this call from my school regarding my financial aid.  Apparently something was wrong with my tax papers so they had to verify everything like how much money my parents and I make.  I told them all the information to be fixed and hung up.  A few minutes later this agent on the phone claiming to be a worker at a government bureau called.   They were offering me an 8000-25,000 dollar grant out of the blues.  It’s given to a select few by the government so that it would help them in life a little bit, so I was thinking….wow this is awesome, my luck is starting again.  Pff bull shit…


Anyhow, like the dumbass I am, I gave them my check number and all that crap that they needed while they gave me all the bull shit crap that I need.  You know what?  Even though those were bull shit information, they left themself open for a smack.  I may be stupid, but I’m not THAT stupid.  Well…actually I probably am.haha  But I’m not a complete idiot though. 🙂  Well before we hung up I asked the guy for a website they can be found at.   He gave me a quick one so I’m like can you repeat that?  He said it hesitantly.  So I got a little more suspicious but I cant do anything about it.  I already gave them my information you know?  So I hung up and did some research on these guys…load and behold…..these mother fuckers were scamming my sorry ass.   If this was a movie……the camera would zoom away from me from the top as I look up in the sky with my fist raised up high screaming from the top of my lungs, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”  haha.  But nope, this isn’t a movie, this is reality.  And reality just reached in my pocket while I wasn’t looking.   After finding out everything was  a fraud, I didn’t even panick really, I just thought to myself “Well….I’ll be damned”,


I called the bank to file a dispute, sucked in my pride and told them what I foolishly did.  The lady kindly helped me as we exchanged information.  I told her what I found out and all that goody stuff and well hopefully it’s fixed w/out me having to open a different account.  I’ll have to keep my eyes peeled and watch out for something sneaky in my bank transactions.   Moral of the day….even if the bitch on the phone sound like a typical credit card hindu hoe, she’s smart enough to scam you.   And if her sophisticated linquistic white boss happens to sound just as convincing as she….don’t believe him either. 


Besides that….I started school today and its bleh… I’m gonna ace this semester.

As the family mythology would have it
we were all the assasins in ancient middle east,
we all knew the mind trick which raised the cities in one night
moved the mountains in a day, mind once reached beyond
the shell of consciouness, which has been synonym for the power,
not the will but the system, social habitual, addictive, us the human
are no longer pure will, but individuals that were torn into pieces,
into the bodies, not a body like a plant, the world of vegetation has no boudaries, one leave morphs into a branch, into a bark, into ivies, into the soil, into the air, into dew drops
So were we in the past life, assasins for the old man of the mountain, we were one and ever connected, ….with the mountain,
with a dream we still share, the hashsh accelerated dream of paradise, of the primal intention of the will, we know no sin, we know no shame, we know no self, so that we are not alone
Like foetus in the womb
like the seed of everything prior to the Bang
Bang, bang, bang, no bang, bang, no noise made on the bed,
the earth is no longer capable of containning any more bang, bang, so dream, dream to create no bang bang but outside is the
space but still inside the woub, beacause there is no outside in inside out for there is no self, but we, but no bang bang, that defines me and you, I and Thou, S and M, that is why we are ready to leap and never come back, throw the rock and never come back,
we are out and outside in, Nostradamus saw the human beyond the stars, beyond the Heaven’s Gate, we are already there.

Inconsiderate


Bad news today I suppose.  The fishes in my pond are about to all die.  Four just died and one is barely surviving so are filtered in their own tank in order for it to not infect the other fishies who are also in critical condition.  These are really expensive fishes here..


There are all sorts of koi’s in the pond and they varie from 25 dollars to 500 dollars a body.  We just lost about 400 bucks worth of fishies.  😦


Anyhow, my dad was the one that did this I guess.  He came home to clean the pond and left the water hose there too long and forgot about it.  It flooded the pond and almost cleansed out the fish water with tap water which stopped the oxygen flow and all the other required medicine that were in the pond.  The fishes are trying to survive on tap water which could kill them soon.  They’re all up on the surface trying to get air.  We’re waiting til 12:30am until my brother’s friend comes home so we can use their medicine.  This really sucks but whats worst is that my mom and brother are bitching at my dad.  I honestly don’t think they should be bitching at him for making the mistake.  I mean it’s cool that they’re upset and all but they shouldn’t completely blame him for it.  He was just trying to take care of the fishies. While he was trying to clean and take care of the pond, he kept getting interupted in doing errands for people and it’s a likely mistake since he’s forced to multi task.  He knows that he made a mistake and he’s upset too so back off him.


People need to think before they say things.  My brother was all bitching about my dad how he’s dumb and needs to think before he does thing.  Hey…come on now you’d do that kinda thing too.  You should think yourself before you even say that.  Be more considerate geesh.  I just stood there listening ignoring him and just wanted to smack him.  My mom comes out and yaps on and on about praying for it all to die in the morning.  She kept saying things to my dad yelling at him and calling him stupid and all that crap.  I’m like come on mom!!  He just forgot, it’s not like he did this intentional.  She wouldn’t shut up so i just stayed quiet and then got a little irritated and just went SHHHHHH.  She finally went inside.lol   But yeah… my dad was already sad with his hand on his chin sitting on the bench and they kept making him more upset saying how dumb he was.  God…that’s so fucking disrespectful.  The man works so hard to do things for people and he gets tossed around too much.  I hate how nice guys(including myself)  always get disrespected because we’re considerate enough to keep our mouth shut in spite of people’s feelings.  I run through these problems a lot and it hurts you know…and it pisses me off when I see someone getting bitched at for something so inevitable.


You know how people say you need to be a man and speak up?  Well you also need to be a man and shut up and stop bitching.  My dad don’t rebuttle or argue when he knows its useless.  Most the time arguments ARE useless and it just gets you and the other person even more pissed off. 


It’s ok to vent, but come on think about how the other person is feeling.  How would you like it if you made a mistake and everyone kept nagging you about it?  You’d feel like shit, I know I would.   You don’t make a person feel like shit unless you fucking hate the person.  blah blah blah I’ll shut up now or I won’t ever stop. 


And on a side note….small comments do bug, oh yes they do.